I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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