i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
