He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
