Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
