Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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