Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
