I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
