the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
