so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
