gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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