it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
