In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
