i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
