Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize