we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
