seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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