she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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