do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
