Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
