i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
