I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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