i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
