You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
