ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
