you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
