He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
