dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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