Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
