it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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