I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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