i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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