There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
