dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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