Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
