hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
