Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
