Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
