You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
