if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
