So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
