you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
