the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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