yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
