I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want to make out with him forever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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