Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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