if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
