I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
