probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me i tasted like america
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
