At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
