I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
